DM&A Rail Overpass Approved

Train on overpass

New DM&A Railroad Overpass

(Note that the first locomotive is actually passing through a time warp
at the exact moment this photograph was taken.)
[Looks like fold in a sheet of paper.]

The DM&A (Dramamine, Methamphetamine and Amatriptoline Railroad) has announced that it will build an "overpass" to routes train traffic over Mankato several hundred feet above the entire City. They plan to send 100 one-hundred car trains over the town daily. The east bound trains will carry methamphetamines from the meth labs in rural Wyoming to meet the needs of consumers on the east coast. The west bound trains will carry nuclear waste that will be distributed along the rail bed in South Dakota. The west bound trains will travel only at night and should glow enough to cause premanent nuclear twilight in Mankato and along the route. "Sounds like a solution that should please everyone. A derailment either way would be a good thing by either showering the town with high quality drugs or glowing nuclear wastes to keep the mosquitoes in check. The City of Mankato is the envy of all of the other governmental jurisdictions along the proposed "Wyoming to the Mississippi River Route" because of the DM&A's approach" says City Faus-Mayor Swindler. "I've heard that the DM&A is equipping all of their locomotives with radar and all of the box cars with flashing beacons to prevent collisions with low flying drug flights from Columbia.... I've also heard that the newest safety technology in the industry has been utilized in the City overpass, including automatic parachute sytems and guidance systems . Those features will automatically deploy in the event of a derailment to safely return falling boxcars to the ground in highly populated minority/immigrant areas..ideal for our top-secret Army tests... and to prevent property damage to the rich-folks housing areas that may be caused by falling trains ..."

"An overpass will be a real win-win for the city" says Mankato transport minister Meryl Vorrell. "DM&A will only use recycled material of at least third quality. This will give the DM&A extra funds to pay town consultants special fees to oversee the work."

The railroad is exploring a deal to convert some of the excess atomic submarines produced in Mankato to use as "rail ferrys." The submarines will be equipped with a track deck which will accomodate six 135car coal unit-trains on each track. The trains will be loaded onto the converted submarines, transported upstream (downstream? sidestream?...LOL) across the mighty Minnesota River to rejoin the DM&A main line north of Mankato. This option also eliminates rail traffic through Mankato.... because the river is too wide and the tropical monsoons too unpredictable to provide safe passage over the river on a bridge during the 70 degree winters.

Catie Worball, (local environmental activist and newly elected Green Soil Country Commissar) said that "...these are environmentally acceptable options to routing the trains through Mankato or around the City along the South route".


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